The Mothers Against Swearing Association...can fuck off

Hi there, motherfuckers. If you haven't god damned notice, you fucks, I have a little bit of a swearing problem. Luckily, some mothers feel compelled to rid me of this cursed character flaw. First, let me show you around the site, before I show you the 12 step programs (That's right Alcoholics, you're being ripped off!). http://www.geocities.com/masavolvo/Home.htm The home page, with their very quaint message:

"Dear Internet Surfer, First off, let us thank you dearly for taking the time out of your busy lifestyle to stop by and get help with your problem. At some point in our lives we all have a problem. Some problems could be as simple as what percentage of milk to purchase at your local convenience store. Other problems, the more serious ones can involve swearing. Our organization exists because people have the will power to stop swearing. Now, with the help of this website, you can to. After completion of the 12 step program within this website we hope we have made a difference in your lives, as much as we have made a difference in the others who have completed our program. Please, browse the Internet web links at the top and bottom of this page. Browse them as much as you like, we are open 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 and sometimes 366 days a year."
Sounds wonderful doesn't it? Sometimes I worry about milk, and then sometimes I cause the world to implode with my shitty language. Damn me. Also, leap year doesn't count.

Now kids, before I learn to stop swearing like a fucking sailor, let's read their message.

"Our message is very simple and can be summed up in two words: Stop Swearing. If the world stops swearing, it will be a better place for all of us. Thank You."

Now...why? Why would the world be a better place without swearing? It's a word. A WORD. A SPOKEN WORD. Why grow up in a society that has blacklisted certain words as "bad"? What the hell is the point of that? It's a damn facade to make someone seem superior morally. Unfortunately, their bid for morality kills their intelligence.

But, let's pretend I'm an absolute retard (not a long shot lololololol). It is time for the TWELVE...STEP...PROGRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Step: "Ask Yourself: Why are you swearing?"
- Me: Hey Luke...
- Me: Sup?
- Me: Why do you swear?
- Me: Cause I can motherfucker. Words are just words.

Second Step:

1. Create a Swear Jar
1. Get an empty sauce jar, and clean it
2. Every Time You Swear place a dollar in it

- Wait a minute...If I put money in a jar, wouldn't the money be going to me anyways...but if others in the house swear..........................I'D BE RICH! IT PAYS TO SWEAR!!!!!!

Third Step: "Identify your problem sentences (For some it could be, **** I just pricked my finger whist sewing! Say: Ouch! I just pricked my finger sewing!)"
- God, this is going to take a while. How 'bout, instead of saying "Nate, post a fucking blog", I'll say "Nate, post a dandy blog...you damn je-"

Fourth step: "Tell Yourself you will never swear again"
- Make me.

Fifth Step: "Tell Your Parents you will never swear again (In the case that you do not have living parents, tell your guardian or another relative)"
- Me: Hey dad.
- Dad: Yeah?
- Me: I'll never swear again.
- Dad: That's good son.
- Me: You damn je-

Sixth step: "Tell Your friends you will never swear again (You should also promote a non swearing environment)"
- Me: "Hey friend"
- Friend: "Sup bitch?"
- Me: "How bout you lay down on the swearing, jerkoff?"

Seventh - Twelfth Step: "Continue to use your swear jar
Continue to visit this website and bookmark it! (we may have updated tips!)
Type or write out this sentence: I will never swear again! For a minimum of One thousand times.
Listen to music that has lyrics with no swearing
Continue not to swear!"

- *Makes More Money*
- ROFL NO
- I will never swear again x 1000
- *Listens to "Bastard" by Ed Gein*
- Okay dickwad.

So, I went through my twelve steps, and now what?

I GET CERTIFIED!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure to to stop swearing and make the world a better place. I hope to be a good example in the future. I leave you with a picture of not only the certificate, but me holding it to show you that I have passed MASA's test.



















Failblog for the win, you fucks.