SPECIAL BREAKING EDITION OF THE 'FUCK THAT' PROGRAM

I have just spent 45 minutes battling the worst thing to be battling at 11:30/Midnight.

FIRE ALARMS, or "WAAAH WHERE'S MY NEW BATTERY? I WILL ANNOY YOU UNTIL YOU GET ME A FUCKING BATTERY!"

It's the most fucked thing at a fucked time [admitedly, this happening at 3 in the morning would have resulted in me destroying it, but let's get on with the story].

I walk into my bedroom, ready to get my 360 on...when the damn fire alarm beeps. Why now? The only one home, other than me, is my mom...and I didn't want to wake her up because she wasn't feeling well. So, I went hard to work, getting the stool out and preparing to figure the problem. Well I knew the problem, but I needed to see what kind of battery it was. Then I went upstairs to the kitchen (What, I'm the only one with a kitchen upstairs? Don't blame me, blame the retards who built this house), and got a battery. Now, let me tell you how loud this beep is. It's every other minute, and you could hear it if you were standing outside the house. Yeah.

Anyways, got the new battery, downstairs, put that new fucker in, close the lid. All right, time to put everything aw- *BEEP*. I was dumbfounded. I put that fucker in. Did I put it in right?....Fuck yeah I did, I'm not stupid. But, anyways, I try it again. Didn't work. Put that battery in at every conceivable way I could, and a few ways that defied the laws of physics, and still wouldn't work. Hmm...dud battery? Probably not, but I was getting angry, so I was ready to try anything.

Went back upstairs and got battery number two. Went back downstairs, and put that fucker in. Held my breath........*BEEP*. God damn it. Now I'm getting pissed. It's been about 20 minutes, and it's still beeping. Why God? Maybe it wasn't in all the way, so I shoved as hard as I can. I swear, I heard cracks as I push this fucking thing into the ceiling, trying to establish a circuit. Would it work? Of course not, that'd be easy, and this thing just wanted to fuck with me. So...reluctantly...I tried another battery, because I'm at my wits end here.

I put in battery three...the right way...as far as I can...with the cover closed...with everything correctly in place......and.............*BEEP*. I exploded. I had it. I was going to rip that motherfucker out the wall. Before I did, I leaned against the wall, getting ready to rip the thing apart. I then spied the carbon monoxide meter, heard the beep.....and......I saw the "battery" light flash. HOLY SHIT A CHALLENGER APPEARS.

I...WAS...TRICKED! It was the carbon monoxide alarm the whole time! What a conspiricy! Half of me was relieved that I can now fix this. Most of me was pissed because I just wasted 40 minutes on the wrong fucking alarm and I was getting a headache from the loud beeping. Let's give me credit here. The two alarms are literally maybe a foot apart from each other. The fire alarm was flashing, and I looked at that damn monoxide alarm, and the light on that thing was fucking weak. Right...so I found the right one. Got that shit off the wall, and proceeded to put the new battery in.

This is a bit weird, because the shit beeps louder when I try to get the battery in. It was hard work, tight fit, and everytime I screwed up, the monoxide alarm screamed at me, telling me how wrong I was. I almost threw that shit out the window, I damn near did. But finally...FINALLY...I got the battery in.

No more beeps.

...........
..............
................


FUCK

FIRE/MONOXIDE

ALARM

WOULD RATHER DIE IN A FIRE.

I feel a hot wind on my shoulder...

I'm surprised Nate beat me to the punch. The amount of hassle that comes from me for him to post anything is triple the work he puts into each of his posts, the bastard.

2008 is gone. 2009 is here. We're all happy!

But I have seen a disturbing trend. The good old "WE'RE ONE YEAR CLOSER TO 2012 OH SHIT BALLS WE'RE DEAD!!!"

No.

Let me spell it out: WE'RE NOT DEAD.

The illustrious date of 12/21/2012, for those informed, is the date in which the Mayan calendar stops, apparently predicting some widespread change.

Now, give a date and a promise of worldwide change in the world, and the first thing on everyone's mind is "DEATH AND THE APOCALYPSE OMG NOOOOOOOO!"

Calm down, no. It's not happening. Just because some dead civilization forgot to finish their calendar, does not mean we're all dead. Some magical asteroid isn't coming on such a specific date. Jesus Christ, who has nothing to do with the fucking Mayans, isn't descending on us for our final salvation (that is, if you even believe that'll happen).

People will die on that day, but nothing more than the norm. Maybe a bit more than usual, and let me tell you why. Those idiotic enough to believe our forthcoming doom is on that day might get a bit antsy...might start killing themselves or even others. It's nothing different then any other day that has some sort of darkness attached to it. For example, Columbine happening on Adolf Hitler's birthday.

In conclusion, December 21st, 2012 will come...and pass...and we'll all be hunky dory. So shut the fuck up.

And have a nice year.

You fucks.