...Then what the fuck am I taking this for?

I've been seeing a lot of drug commercials lately, and holy shit. Here's what I hate/laugh at about drug commercials. Not the commercials itself. Not the silly names. Not the stupid looking family looking all happy while Bob can now get a boner. No. What gets me...are the side effects. After watching many commercials, I've divided the side effects of drugs into three categories:

Side Effects that will affect you if you're a living human being
- The sort of commercials that go "Don't take if you're pregnant, smoking, male, female, alive, or drinking". Like Christ, let me get out my checklist. If I miss one, I'M A DEAD MAN.

Drugs that will invalidate the very thing it's supposed to do
- This one might make me laugh most. Like, get this. I'm watching this commercial for asthma inhalers. The very purpose of it is to control asthma...and what do I hear? "Warning! May increase the risk of asthma attacks!".......
............
THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT? IT'S LIKE POUNDING YOUR HEAD INTO A DESK FOR A HEADACHE. Thanks useless medicine that made things worse.

Medicine with a risk of DEATH
- Why does half the drugs out there kill you? Literally, half the commercials are saying "This drug might increase risk of heart attack, and in some cases, death".
Like...you're making the disease you're supposed to treat better than the damn drug. I want to have pain relief, but not such where you kill me for it. Shit.

And that is my filler post until our next big project...which we're working on. Well I'm working on. All I'm getting from Nate is "Yeah" "Bwaahaha" and "SHUT UP I NEED TO FLIP MY BOSTON RECORD OVER". So, we'll see.

Until then, see ya. Bitch(es).

New Toys

I was bored earlier tonight and decided to take this random video of the USB turntable I bought from Woot with my camera (coincidentally, also bought from Woot).



Yeah, expect better content soon. Just posting this here, because I can.

Also, if you're so inclined to see high definition video of my hand, a record player and the corner of my desk, if you go to the actual YouTube page, you'll be able to.

DING DING DING, ROUND TWO!

Keeping on the recycling of ideas concept, I have decided to recycle an idea I have already done on the Failblog. No, not the whole "contract another disease and almost die again" idea, but rather the "make fun of a website that is against swearing" idea, with a bit of a twist. This time, I go after "The No Cussing Club" (http://www.nocussing.com/home.html). There is a place where you can send them a message. I was entertaining the idea of doing this and then actually sending it to them, but have since rescinded the idea (for now, due to possible legal purposes, maybe. I dunno). However, for your entertainment, I will still write out the message as it was intended...and who knows? Maybe I will send it in the future. But eh, here it goes.

Dear No Cussing Club,

I have viewed your site in its entirety, and I have concluded that this is the most nonsense site I have ever been to. I disagree entirely with your view of the following: That "swearing" is wrong and the world would be better without it. Let's start with how you think cursing is wrong. You're going to sit there and tell me that somehow my words are affecting my character. Listen, I am very happy and proud of who I am. I am a very intelligent individual, who is studying to eventually gain a Ph.D in Psychology. I know I can obtain this goal, because I am a very hard worker and, again, very intelligent. But you'll sit there and judge who I am because I swear. That is absolutely wrong of you to do such a thing. You're judging people who swear to be immoral heathens, even if you attempt to say otherwise. That is a lot worse than me saying a few naughty words.



Don't fucking point at me you little cunt. That's more fucking rude than me going up to your mother and going "get the hell out the way you 2 dollar whore."

Let me entertain you with something. You give the impression that swearing is so immoral and impactful on the world. Well, isn't what you doing pretty much the same thing? You ARE judging people based on their swearing. You have noted that "swearing" as immoral, and have charged with the idea that if you don't swear, you are a better person than the kid down the street who does swear. You're essentially elevating a group of people over another, a far more dangerous practice than saying a few words that have been deemed evil by a few people. What you are doing is religious in nature. Did the Catholic Church not say casual sex out of marriage is immoral and sinful? Never mind the fact that it's in human nature in the first place to have sex. Never mind that the person who came up with the idea that sex outside of marriage was, in fact, sexually active to a large degree, and is a downright hypocrite. But the fact that they place themselves above people who have sex outside of marriage, much like how you're doing it to people who swear, is more damaging for our society.




Also, the little boy besides you looks like he shat himself. Stop being a selfish bitch, all caught up in the fucking limelight of your shitty club, and help the poor bastard. HE HAS SHIT HIS PANTS. Also, one of the girls up the top looks retarded. Like you.

Back to impact on society. In our current culture, people are expected to swear. Everyone does it from time to time, for that is what America has become...a place where we can express ourselves freely with any word we want. To go against the culture is frowned upon. Oh wait, isn't that what you're doing? Seems mighty unpatriotic. Talking about patriotic, let's talk about freedom. Freedom...of speech maybe? One of the core rights this nation was founded upon, and you're shoving that away, all for a stupid club and some ridiculous idea that contradicts one of the founding principles this nation was founded upon. I have the right to say anything I want, without oppression, and here you come along...saying that what I say is immoral and wrong. You're suppressing my freedom to say what I want, which is for more damaging than me saying a word. What you're doing is down right illegal, by suggesting that I limit what I say.



Pfffh. That's your fucking celebrity endorsement? RUDY? Oh shit, well fuck me. How can I compete with Rudy? Oh yeah. I have literally shat out greater things than him. God, what the fuck? That's just fucking stupid. What's next? Barney The Dinosaur?



NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT HULK HOGAN! YOU BASTARDS!!!! NOT THE HULKSTER! HE'S GONE BENEDICT ARNOLD! HE'S NO LONGER AMERICA! HE SUPPORTS THE OPPRESSION!

In conclusion, you stupid little cunt, your self righteous asshole act is tiring, unappealing, and hypocritical. You are not the moral good. You are a piece of shit who is in the wrong. You're trying to suppress my freedom to say what I want, you fucking retard. Go die in a fire. Go get hanged, drawn, and quartered. What you're doing to kids is more psychologically damaging than if I went up to them and said "Fuck you". Once your balls dropped, I hope you gain the critical thinking skills and maturity to figure out that your "no cussing club" is a fucking sham. Kill yourself.

Sincerely,
Awesome Fail Dude.

PS: You look like a shit face. No wonder nobody likes you.

Burger King Makes WHAT!?

Note: The following is a paper I wrote for my writing class due tomorrow that I haphazardly threw together after I was unable to think of anything with substance to put together. The assignment was that we had to write a page paper on basically anything we wanted... at least I hope... I dunno... Anyway, if it's good enough for my class, it's good enough for FailBlog. But this explains why there's a fucking footnote, and the higher level of professionalism(?) Enjoy, or something. Also, sorry for the bad formatting, it fucked up since I copied it from Word, and I don't give enough of a shit to fix it.

In the midst of doing work in the library, my coffee level from that morning’s breakfast sank to zero. I decided to walk over to the well over-priced, Outtakes campus convenience store to recharge. Passing through the aisles, something caught my eye: A large Burger King logo on three bags. I guess that the marketing department accomplished their job. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that these were actually Burger King endorsed bags of chips. This amazed me. I always expect fast food chains to attempt shocking marketing ploys, but seeing Burger King making a brand of snack food surprised me to no end. This isn’t the first time a restaurant branded a kind of snack food (In fact, the company behind these Burger King snacks was also behind the T.G.I Friday’s snacks as well)[1] but I never thought Burger King would venture into the snack world.

There were three types of varieties available: “Ketchup & Fries,” “Flame Broiled” and “French Toast.” Feeling daring, I decided to go with “French Toast.” They looked like brown Cheetos. On the first try, they didn’t taste good or bad… more “interesting” than anything else. But as I continued eating them, they got better and better with each one. I’ve never specifically had French toast at Burger King but it was pretty impressive how much they taste like maple. You could taste a faint buttery undertone, the combination made it really taste like French toast. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that they’ve created “Burger King in a Bag” and made it so people no longer have to go to a real Burger King to get their unhealthy food but bravo, Burger King. I expected failure, and was pleasantly surprised to find success.

---

[1] Hartford, Jamie. "Burger King to Debut Branded Snacks." QSR 09 2007 28 Jan 2009 .

Man, I had what Zachary Taylor had? Fuck.

Sup?

Not much, nearly died last Friday.

Oh. OK. How?

Well, here's what happened:

Friday morning. Woke up fine. No issues. At noon, I started to get a little upset stomach. Meh. About an hour later, it got worse, so I decided to sleep it off. An hour after that, I threw up. It takes a lot for me to throw up, but I figured I'd be good, since I felt much better afterward.

ROFLWRONG.

It became much worse. By my third time vomiting, I was already seeing bits of blood in it. I hadn't eaten anything, so I was only vomiting bile. So the stress and the acidity had worn something in my intestinal track to bleeding. Nothing bad, though.

So, when I thought it couldn't get any worse, here comes the diarrhea. Like what the fuck. Half the time, it literally came out of both ends at the same time. I couldn't be bothered to hold one while the other went. That's why we invented buckets.

Right, now my parents become panicky, as they force me to go to the urgent care ward at the doctor's office. Still suffering. Still feel like I'm dying. Shit still sucks. And guess what? IT GET'S WORSE.

I am going to tell you now that I am scared of needles. Like really scared. Like near vomiting whenever I get one scared. Well...because of my dehydration, I needed an IV!

Guess my reaction...

That's right: panic, suffering, and man did I vomit a lot.

Well, I had no choice. Plus, they were going to give me a drug to counteract the vomiting and make me feel better. So they go to put the IV in. Vein blew. Round two. vein cowered. Round three. Third vein blew. I became absolutely frustrated. I hate needles in my arm, and now they just put three in me AND FUCKING FAILED. Thank Christ they got a good nurse in on the fourth one who knew what she was doing. That shit went in fine.

Got the IV fluids and the anti-sick medicine. And guess what, when I got up after the IV was done, the anti-sick drug decided to not do its job.

So I started throwing up...again. Twice by the time I reached the car to go home.

The official diagnoses was Gastroenteritis. My sentence was to have the worst night of my life.

So I got home, and threw up again before lying in bed. I was given another anti-sick pill and an anti-diarrhea pill.

The anti-diarrhea pill worked great. Haven't had any since. Although I do feel a bit blocked. Ah well. As for vomiting. Well, after a few more times and noooooooo sleep what so ever, it is gone.

I type before you, two days later, with two aching arms with needle tracks in them, one very sensitive stomach that's prone to bouts of relief and churning, and very constrictive and tight stomach muscles that completely kill whenever I need to cough or walk.

Oh, and I have to take an online literary exam before Sunday is done. FUCK.

Not as descriptive as I'd have like, but I have an excuse. It fucking hurts sometimes to sit here and type, especially the IV shit.

So, until next time, don't contract Gastroenteritis, because it fucking sucks.

Stuff About Israel

As you avid FailBlog readers know, I recently went to Israel. I got back to America this past Wednesday. Yes, I'm alive. However, I can only count to nine on my fingers now (jk lol). The expirience was really amazing. Definitely a worthwhile trip. Everywhere we were, it was hard to believe that there was a war being fought less than 100 miles away. I'd type up my whole expirience, but that would be pages and pages of work I don't want to do. Also, if you came here expecting to read about political opinions about Israel, stop sniffing glue and go somewhere else. I'm sure there are pleanty of blogs you could read on that issue. FailBlog will not be one of them. Why you'd think FailBlog would be one of them is a mystery in itself.

That said, I present to you *ahem*

Five Random Observations About Israel

• Napkins: This was probably my biggest gripe about Israel. In America, we're used to getting large napkins and having an abundance of them. In Israel, for whatever reason, they decided to make their napkins really, really small. I've had receipts larger than the napkins you get in Israel. What's worse is that, when you order your food, they'll only give you one napkin and if they even have a napkin dispenser, it will only be on one or two of the tables. So, if you're sitting at one of the tables that doesn't have it, you get to go on a mighty quest to find it. It's not that I'm an overly messy eater or anything, but most of the food in Israel is covered in sauces and wrapped in a pita or something. You need a napkin for this.

• Israelis: While I'm not trying to make a ridiculous blanket claim about all Israelis, in fact, the ones who were with us on our trip were pretty awesome people, but I found that most Israelis are sort of... well... aggressive. They won't say excuse me when they bump into you, nor if you're in the way and they're trying to get around you. They'll just push you out of the way and continue on their business. If they're trying to sell you something or are asking for money, the only way to get away is to run away. I don't know if you've seen those "Dead Sea Cosmetics" sellers in malls and stuff, but if you have, you know how aggressive they can be. Now, imagine an entire mall or street like that. That's Israel.

• El-Al Airline Food: If you travel on El-Al Airlines to Israel. Try not to eat anything. ESPECIALLY the beef dinner. I was on the toilet for two days. I didn't order the beef on the way back, but still ran to the toilet in Newark once we landed. It's not a bad airline otherwise, but god damn. And this sort of leads into my next point...
  

• Public Restrooms: This is the only thing on this list so far which I liked. A little odd, really. But yeah, the coolest thing about public restrooms in Israel is that usually, instead of stalls like we have in America. They have separate fucking rooms to do your business in. Seriously. You'll have your sinks, the urinals, then instead of stalls, the toilets are each in their own room. Separated by walls. We need this in the US. It's probably just me, but I hate when you can hear the guy in the stall next to you doing his number two.
  

• Burgers Bar: This was one of the best fast food burger places that I've had, not only in Israel, but ever. We only had a chance to eat here once, but I'm glad I did. They grill you a burger when you order it, and you have a variety of sauces and veggies they can put on from there. For about 45 Sheckles (about $10) you get a burger, fries and a drink. Not a bad deal.
  

So there you have it, five observations about Israel. Even though three of the five were things I didn't like, again, I had an absolute blast there. It's just easier for me to bitch about things.

Oh yeah, the picture on this post was a picture I took at the beach of our hotel on the Dead Sea.

Going back to Albany tomorrow. See ya next time.

I feel a hot wind on my shoulder...

I'm surprised Nate beat me to the punch. The amount of hassle that comes from me for him to post anything is triple the work he puts into each of his posts, the bastard.

2008 is gone. 2009 is here. We're all happy!

But I have seen a disturbing trend. The good old "WE'RE ONE YEAR CLOSER TO 2012 OH SHIT BALLS WE'RE DEAD!!!"

No.

Let me spell it out: WE'RE NOT DEAD.

The illustrious date of 12/21/2012, for those informed, is the date in which the Mayan calendar stops, apparently predicting some widespread change.

Now, give a date and a promise of worldwide change in the world, and the first thing on everyone's mind is "DEATH AND THE APOCALYPSE OMG NOOOOOOOO!"

Calm down, no. It's not happening. Just because some dead civilization forgot to finish their calendar, does not mean we're all dead. Some magical asteroid isn't coming on such a specific date. Jesus Christ, who has nothing to do with the fucking Mayans, isn't descending on us for our final salvation (that is, if you even believe that'll happen).

People will die on that day, but nothing more than the norm. Maybe a bit more than usual, and let me tell you why. Those idiotic enough to believe our forthcoming doom is on that day might get a bit antsy...might start killing themselves or even others. It's nothing different then any other day that has some sort of darkness attached to it. For example, Columbine happening on Adolf Hitler's birthday.

In conclusion, December 21st, 2012 will come...and pass...and we'll all be hunky dory. So shut the fuck up.

And have a nice year.

You fucks.